Opinion: Breaking free from the comparison trap
BY CHRISTI HEGSTAD | President, MAP Professional Development Inc.
The other day, while scanning my Facebook feed, I started hearing it. Maybe you know what I’m talking about: that voice from the dark crevices that says things like, “She’s made another all-organic, homegrown, vegan lunch for her family. You should prepare better meals!”
Or maybe you dream of becoming a speaker and the voice says, “Your story is nothing compared to hers. Who would want to listen?”
Or perhaps you have a rare morning where you are able to shower, get everybody where they need to be and on time, and even grab a latte on the way to work. Just as you start feeling put-together, you overhear your co-workers talking about how many miles they ran that morning or how they’ve finished a project you’ve barely even started, and before you know it you’re feeling less-than.
The comparison trap rears its ugly voice at the most inconvenient times, doesn’t it? It’s like nails on a chalkboard and, ultimately, serves no purpose whatsoever.
Whether we’re comparing ourselves to movie stars, business gurus, the infamous Joneses or someone’s random Twitter stream, many women — even the strong, successful leaders against whom you may compare yourself — find themselves frustratingly trying to measure up. Or to use a phrase you’ve perhaps heard before, comparing their insides to others’ outsides.
The downside of comparison? Lower self-confidence mixed with feelings of inadequacy and an undercurrent of shame, for starters. Not fun.
But an upside exists, and it’s a biggie.
We can quit doing it.
In fact, we must if we want to live to our fullest potential, work with meaning and purpose, and set an affirming example for our kids.
If you find yourself caught in a comparison trap, try one of these strategies:
1. Find a purposeful anchor. One of my clients wears a bracelet with the engraved message, “Don’t let comparison steal your joy.” Keeping a written list of gratitudes handy can serve a similar function. Create visual anchors that remind you of the blessed fulfillment of not comparing.
2. Tell yourself what you’d tell a child. Imagine a child you adore came to you, in tears, because she felt like everyone else was so much better. How would you counsel her? What, specifically, would you say? Then, use those kind, compassionate words on yourself.
3. Create a compelling vision. Decide who and how you want to be in the world. Who are you at your best? What difference do you strive to make? Then, if you must compare, compare how you’re closer today than yesterday to making your vision a reality.
What if we all commit to letting go of comparisons? What if we recognize that there’s room for everyone’s greatness and that each of us has different strengths and purposes — and simply celebrate them? Remember, you have made it this far because you are strong, successful, resilient. Are you ready to honor that truth and break free from the comparison trap?
That same day, while still on Facebook, I decided to share a quote (source unknown) that struck a chord and might be helpful to carry with you:
“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone else. It’s walking into a room not having to compare yourself at all.”