The world bombards us with destructive and confusing messages about how we should behave, what we should look like and what emotions we are allowed to have. More often than not, these stereotypes are based on gender — males should be strong, aggressive and unemotional, while females are typified as fragile, submissive and maudlin.

As women, we have spent generations disputing these stereotypes. We’ve fought the media, taken on the sports arena and muscled through the workplace because we know — and want to prove — these labels aren’t true.

What we may not yet understand is the powerful effect male stereotypes have on men, and we often misread the characteristics that trap them. These invisible “rules” can prevent men from asking for help, showing emotion and allowing themselves to fail, and this manipulates females to expect and accept these behaviors from the men in their lives. This is termed the “man box” by clinicians and researchers.

In the workplace, this is particularly challenging as we deal with peers, employees and supervisors. It can impair teamwork, hamper communication and prevent men from reaching out to women for help, advice or support. The effects can go further, causing what we sometimes term the “Boys club” — or chauvinist behavior we struggle to oblige.

It’s not a hopeless situation for women — just one of understanding. Bear in mind, not all men face these challenges and not all men are the same, but there are a few things we should know to help improve our relationships with them.

Some men may be so out of touch with their emotions, they do not realize or understand them, so listening is important. Hearing what he says to get an understanding of how best to work with him will help you build a trusting relationship.

Men’s fathers, families, friends and popular culture tell them from childhood to be resolute and autocratic, so criticizing or resisting compounds frustration. Asking for clarification may help you both understand the reasoning behind decisions, and may help men see other options.

The American Psychological Association reports that in some cases, men use aggression and anger to mask depression. This brings new perspective to communicating with a man, who may feel he has limited options when working to maintain or defend his “masculinity.”

There’s a difference between understanding and compassion for the men who are trapped in the “box.” Coddling or ignoring isn’t smart, but possessing the ability to understand how the “box” hurts us all — and working to redefine the “rules” of masculinity, as well as femininity — takes a great deal of support from each of us and is the only way to bring about a culture shift.

Terry Hernandez is executive director of the Chrysalis Foundation, a public charity working to ensure that girls and women in Greater Des Moines are educated, safe, secure and economically independent. With her staff and board, she is committed to build community understanding of the issues, trends and opportunities we all have to make a difference in the lives of others. Hernandez enjoys speaking on leadership, communication and community issues.

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Email her at thernandez@chrysalisfdn.org or connect by phone through Chrysalis at 515-255-1853.