CNBC recently released a report called “America’s Top States for Business 2010,” and Iowa ranks No. 6, just ahead of those mopes in South Dakota and Minnesota. Pretty good, huh? It makes a resident feel proud of what we have, and confident that we’re in a strong position to do well if the economy ever recovers.

And that could happen just as soon as Congress finds the courage to take the bold but obvious step and make year-round Christmas shopping the law of the land.

One piece of the CNBC analysis is kind of troubling, but it’s not worth mentioning. So we’ll celebrate the fact that our economy ranks 10th and note that in “business friendliness” we stand 12th, powered by our world-class handshaking.

That’s more than enough gratifying news to outweigh the one nettlesome ranking in the list.

Although it is kind of hard to ignore, because it’s actually the one category where Iowa ranked No. 1. Maybe it wouldn’t be right to suppress news when we’re trying to prove how important news is. (The newspaper industry currently has a fantasy about receiving funding from the federal government, just like the Coast Guard and the failed “Mel Gibson” humanoid experiment.)

All right, here’s the bad news: Out of the roughly 45 to 55 states – sorry for the guesstimate, but Wikipedia appears to be down – Iowa beat everybody else in the category of “Cost of Doing Business.”

“We looked at the tax burden,” said CNBC, “including individual income and property taxes, business taxes, even the gasoline tax. Utility costs can add up to a huge expense for business, and they vary widely by state. We also looked at the cost of wages and state workers’ compensation insurance, as well as rental costs for office and industrial space.”

The researchers added up all of those factors and decided that, expense-wise, Iowa is the best place of all. Maybe they forgot to divide. Let’s hope for a correction, because this creates some serious problems for business people around here.

Just when we had everyone convinced that our tax burden – especially the commercial property tax – was too much to bear, these lousy propagandists start spreading the word that, if anything, we have it too easy. Next thing you know, they’ll reveal to outsiders the secret about how every ear of corn contains a hundred-dollar bill.

If word of this CNBC travesty reaches the Iowa Legislature, there’s no way any business taxes will get lowered. Instead, all through the summer and fall while they sit in the cabs of their tractors, our lawmakers will dream up new ways to gouge business owners.

Enjoying the view from your office window? Don’t forget to fill out Form 532, pertaining to the taxation of certain types of pleasurable gazing.

Oh, to be in Virginia’s situation, with the No. 2 overall ranking plus the 26 slot in cost of doing business. “Would you like to be No. 1?” the Virginia business leaders will say – I’m assuming they speak English out there – “Then all we have to do is lower these pesky business taxes.”

Texas ranked No. 1 overall, powered by the top spot in both “economy” and “transportation,” along with a fourth-place showing in “technology and innovation.”

Iowa’s other results included a mere 16th in education, even though we proved we’re good at school by saying so on our state quarter; 17th in cost of living; and 20th in work force – based on workers’ education, availability and lack of union organizing skills.

It was also a bit disturbing to see that Iowa scored only a No. 17 ranking in “quality of life.” That can’t be right. We have enough golf courses and tenderloins for a state twice our size.

But, no, Hawaii topped the category and Louisiana finished last. Both states have nice, warm beaches, but Louisiana’s are a little too flammable.