Everyone talks about “how to sell.” Not me. I stress “why they buy,” or “how to get people to buy.” It’s a much more powerful success model.

I have a trademarked quotation: “People don’t like to be sold, but they love to buy.”

“Sure, Jeffrey,” you say. “Easy for you, but I’m cold-calling, I’m fighting competition, I’m in a tough market, you don’t understand.”

I understand very well. You are where 95 percent of all salespeople are. Struggling.

In order to struggle less, you must begin to make the transition from “making a sale” to “creating a buying atmosphere.”

Most salespeople are taught some system of selling. That’s where the hardship starts. They concentrate on the system, not the prospect. Salespeople are so busy trying to manipulate the selling process that they disengage the buyer.

What is selling about? Let me give you the non-sales skills version. It is the version that leads to buying. These are the life skills that will help you rise to the top. None of them are about how to close the sale. All of them are about how to be a success at selling. Forever.

Understand the situation. Understand what you need to do to establish yourself and your position, and understand the customer’s desires.

Help others fill a need or dream. If you take joy in others’ success or fulfillment, you will be a success a hundred times over.

Be your best at all times. Second best in sales is first loser. Best is everything in sales success.

Love what you do. The most successful people in the world love what they do. The easiest ones to notice are the ones earning the most money: athletes, actors, entrepreneurs. But money is not what creates the love. Teachers, mothers and farmers who love what they do rise to the top of their capabilities.

Have the best attitude. If you love what you do, it will show through your attitude. Attitude provides the energy with which successful people flourish.

Believe in your product, your company and yourself. If you don’t believe these three things, stop reading. The rest of this information will do you no good. Without belief, you’ll have no desire to do the hard work necessary to convert selling into buying.

Ask engaging questions. Questions must be thought-provoking (not irritating). Questions must demand that the prospect be encouraged to consider new information (not tell you information you could have looked up yourself). Questions must be innovative and intelligent. Questions must be different from those asked by your competition. Questions are the key element in creating an “I need to buy this” mindset in your prospect.

Be idea-creative in advance and on the spot. Anyone will tell you that creativity is one of the few true difference-makers. How do you become more creative? Read one creativity book each quarter, prepare for your sales calls the night before with Internet research, and practice by forcing yourself to come up with five ideas. Once you get in the groove and have the knowledge, the ideas will flow.

Know how the customer and others produce and profit. Facts about your product’s features and benefits pale by comparison to proof that the customer will increase his or her productivity and profits.

Have great communication skills. Because your message must be compelling and understandable, you must master speaking and presentation skills. Join Toastmasters.

Serve with sincerity. Your actions are judged by the way they are perceived. Some people love to serve and go the extra mile. Some people serve with disdain and only go as far as they need to. Both philosophies are easily recognized.

Give without expectation of getting. This is among the hardest things for a salesperson to do, but it’s key to getting high-level acceptance and recognition. The more you give, the more you get.

Position yourself as a resource. When you give value to prospects and customers, when you provide beneficial information beyond your product or service, you become sought-after.

Combine these attributes with self-education and sales success is yours.

Free GitBit: Want some sales affirmations to make you think and learn in a more positive and accepting manner? They’re free. Go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time user, and enter the word AFFIRMATIONS in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer, president of Charlotte-based Buy Gitomer, gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings and conducts Internet training programs on selling and customer service at www.trainone.com. He can be reached by phone at (704) 333-1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com.