BY ROWENA CROSBIE, president, Tero International

Whenever we meet a new person, we need to quickly have two questions answered. What are those two questions? Watch this Tero Tips video to find out.

How are you perceived when you meet someone new?

Whenever we meet a new person, we need to quickly have two questions answered. We do this unconsciously as part of our survival instinct. The answers to these two questions guide our behavior in the present moment as well as into future interactions.

What is the first question? Friend or foe? 

We quickly size up the person’s likability. Do I like this person? Can I relate to them? How similar are we?  

When we like someone, we tend to lower our guard and are willing to engage in a conversation — and ultimately in a relationship. 

Is likability enough? Research shows that career success requires more than good relationships. Why? There is a second question we need to have answered.

Competent or Incompetent? 

We size up how capable this person is of carrying out their intentions toward us.

When we plot the responses to the friend or foe and competent or incompetent questions on a grid, we discover that we quickly assign people to one of four categories.

The first quadrant is competent friends. These are individuals we relate to and who we perceive are capable of helping us. Trusted vendors, customers, colleagues, friends, mentors, leaders and family members often fall in this category.

The second quadrant is incompetent friends. These are individuals whom we like but we perceive cannot aid us in the pursuit of our goals. Some loved ones and the very young or elderly often fall in this category. 

The third quadrant is incompetent foes. We don’t think much of these individuals and we also don’t worry much about them because we don’t perceive them as capable of carrying out harm to us. Annoying teenagers, exasperating relatives and frustrating cashiers fall in this category.

The fourth quadrant is competent foes. We don’t like these people but will often “play nice” because we perceive they are capable of carrying out their plans that may harm us. Competitors in the marketplace, rivals at work, players on opposing sports teams and those who criticize us or our ideas fall in this category.

How are you perceived when you meet someone new?

Being relatable may make for close friendships or good relationships. Those same people may choose to do business with our competitors if they see us as less capable of helping them with their needs. Our challenge in growing our network is to build and preserve relationships that also result in people who perceive that we are capable and competent.