Deuces wild: two-way merger, Catch-22, Nov. 2

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Moderation in all things, the philosopher advised us, but what did he know? You can’t make any money philosophizing, so obviously he was a dope.

Instead let’s dive into a perfect storm of extremes. In the disturbing fall of 2004, local voters have the chance to deal with two wildly opposite examples of democracy in action. When it comes to the crucially important presidential election, we have waaay too much information. Or maybe “information” isn’t the right word. We have way too many unscrupulous people trying to spin us like a CD.

By the way, when you spend your time misleading instead of informing, that’s not patriotism. That’s refusing to leave grade school.

At the other end of the spectrum we find the city-county merger proposal. Too much information? Hardly. The Nov. 2 vote is only days away, and it’s likely that most potential voters don’t understand how this thing is supposed to work.

This is one time when no one should be encouraged to vote without doing their homework first. Go to www.unifiedgovernment.org and read the actual proposed charter. It’s all laid out for you, absent any fact-twisting.

When you finish – at least hit the high points — make your choice. Don’t make it on the basis of this general concept being, in overall terms, all things considered, a good idea or bad idea. Consider the details.

Possibly the truest statement uttered on the subject at last week’s Des Moines City Council meeting was when Elaine Szymoniak said, “Iowa is in a state of transition, moving from agriculture to – whatever.” Exactly. We never seem to know where we’re going, which makes it hard to read the map.

But we do have the luxury of access to a specific document. Is sorting out all the possible ramifications really as simple as that? OK, no. But it’s better than the dark, gooey matter that is national politics.

There we’re in a Catch-22 situation. We want to elect the wisest, most honorable person we can find to be president. But to be elected, you apparently have to rent the devil’s personal notebook of dirty tricks, half-truths, outright distortions, mean-spirited insults and false boasts. “That’s some catch, that Catch-22,” says a character in the movie. “It’s the best there is,” is the reply.

Here in Iowa, the terrible math of the Electoral College means we have to absorb repeated assaults from both sides. The candidates spend a fortune to come here and speak only to people who are already firmly on their side. They say things we’ve heard them say incessantly. They move on.

If they could get away with handing out $5 bills, they’d try that, one voter at a time.

At least now we know what desperation on a grand scale looks like.

Oops, gotta go. It appears that Kerry started washing my pickup before Bush finished rotating the tires and we’re in for another parking lot “debate.”

There has to be a better way.