By Kathleen Riessen | Speaker, facilitator and business adviser 

Something happened to me recently that’s happened over and over again, and it always catches me off guard. I was introduced as “the owner’s wife.” I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. Seriously, that’s what people think of me? And, of course, I went right to the thought that in my 10 years of business ownership, my husband has never once been introduced as “the owner’s husband.”

I took a deep breath and asked myself, “Why do I care what people think?” I know the truth. I was the one that took the enormous leap of faith in the middle of the worst recession of our lifetime to start a business. My husband and I, together, purchased our second and third businesses in 2014 and our fourth in 2016. In January, I started my newest business on my own. I love running companies, and I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. The struggles and triumphs are mine, and no one can take those away. I’d be foolish to think that anyone else cared as much as I did about my story. Why should they?

But I just keep coming face to face with what I perceive to be these backhanded comments. Last week I got an email (like many I have received over the years) that said, “Congratulations on hanging your first shingle. It must be great to be your own boss.” Instead of taking this person’s note as a positive form of encouragement, I went right to frustration that this person clearly doesn’t know me, which was accurate. She didn’t.

I wonder if I’ve done this to anyone else. Have I, unbeknownst to me, undervalued you? Have I made you feel “less than” because I’ve put my own limitations upon you? Because that’s truly what’s happening when someone assumes that I’m the owner’s wife.

Let’s be straight here – I’m 36 years old, a mother of three little boys, an active volunteer, a serial entrepreneur and a small business owner of five businesses for over 10 years. That’s not too common. In fact, according to Entrepreneur, the average entrepreneur starts a business at the age of 40. According to the Department of Labor, only 36 percent of businesses are owned by women.

When you look at those statistics, are people really wrong in making a blanket assumption that I’m not the business owner? Maybe not, but it still irritates me. And you’ve probably heard the saying about what happens when you assume.

So what do we do when people appear to undervalue our roles? We have two options.

1. Let our ego step up to the plate. It would sound something like this, “Listen up, you assuming person. Quit devaluing my 10 years of business ownership. I’m the owner! Hear that, I’M THE OWNER!”

2. I could simply say thank you and remember the excitement of the time when I did hang my first shingle or I could fantasize about what it would be like to just be the owner’s wife. No stressing about cash flow, payroll, human resources or strategizing for the future. Nope, I’d just simply be the owner’s wife and it would be someone else’s problem. I could remember that if people mistake my position or my experience, it’s OK. Most people aren’t going to take the time to thoroughly scan my LinkedIn profile to understand who I am (bonus points if you do this!).

While I choose option 2, I’m not sure there’s actually a problem with option 1 if it is done in a slightly nicer way than I described.

What do you think? Have you ever had a time when someone undervalued your role? How did you handle the situation? Send me a note atkathleen@kathleenriessen.com and let me know.

Kathleen Riessen is a down-to-earth Iowa girl who works with busy leaders to help them unlock the potential in themselves and their businesses. Riessen has been exploring the concept of Pyramid Leadership involving identifying how leaders can be successful in balancing family, business, community and self-care – a concept she has coined as “Leading at the Peak.” She’s spent a lot of time investigating the prevalence of burnout and the disastrous effect it has on organizations. Riessen enjoys speaking, coaching and facilitating conversations with leaders across the country.