BY EMILY ABBAS | Chief of staff and chief marketing officer, Bankers Trust Co.

Holiday parties, gift-giving and special events can set the stage for both fabulous networking and cringe-worthy faux paus. I thought we all might appreciate the gift of free advice as we navigate the season.

Given I’ve never been mistaken for Miss Manners, I asked for help from a few of my female business leader friends. Here are our tips for common, challenging situations. (See the key at the bottom for names.)

Challenge: To go, or not to go

How do you handle invitations? What to do if you have a conflict, are double-booked, or simply don’t want to go? What if you don’t have a spouse or significant other?

TIPS:

It’s hard to stay in the holiday spirit if you are sleep-deprived, stressed and making choices that feel like obligations. Look to your heart. Where do you want to be? As I often say, you’ll never look back and regret spending more time with your family, so it is ok to politely decline an invitation, but still send a handwritten note of appreciation and best wishes. (EA)

I find that I am often tired at the end of the day and long to stay in by the fire, especially on cold nights. However, once out and about, I am invigorated by the spirit of the holidays and infused with the gaiety of others. I don’t have to stay long and I am always glad I made the effort. (MB)

No spouse? No problem! Take a guest who will truly enjoy or benefit from the experience – perhaps a leader who is new to our community or someone you are mentoring. If possible, review the guest list ahead of time so you are well prepared to introduce your guest to others. (DD)

Promptly after the event, a handwritten note to the organizer is needed and appreciated. You know the host, you know the address – consider having a pre-addressed, stamped envelope in the car. Write your note immediately and mail it on your way home. (TT)

The holidays can be overwhelming with so many opportunities. When struggling, revisit your personal and professional goals and priorities, and make decisions that are in line with them. For example, if you have young kids, concerts and parties are milestone moments for them that are important not to miss. Or if you’re new to a job, attending first-time party with co-workers will be important for relationship building. (AW)

Challenge: Making conversation and moving in and out of groups with grace.

TIPS:

Be prepared with a couple of conversation openers, such as: Will Santa stop at your house this year? Does your fruit cake recipe call for candied ginger? What is your favorite Christmas music genre? (MB)

If you see someone who is near your group and clearly not being included, draw them in. “Please join us, we were just talking about Jolly Holiday Lights being moved to Adventureland in Altoona and the work of the Make-A-Wish Foundation!” Or, whatever the group was discussing. (DD)

Show genuine interest by asking follow up questions to draw out more information and make personal connections. Whatever you do, don’t be looking over their shoulder scouting for other people. (TT)

Eighty percent of communication happens non-verbally by understanding and sending non-verbal cues. Remember to smile, look people in the eye, and provide authentic signals of your interest in someone else. And do your best to pay attention to others’ nonverbal cues and respond accordingly. (AW)

As you are listening, think of ways to connect people. For example, if something a friend is working on could be enhanced by what someone else is working on, introduce them either in person or later by email. (KL)

Challenge: Gift-giving and holiday cards

How do determine who receives cards or gifts? What do you do when you receive a gift or card from someone who was not on your list? For a business relationship, is it best to send the card or gift to their home or office?  What are some ideas for thoughtful gifts that don’t cost a lot of money?

TIPS:

Look at your time and budget, and then act appropriately. Consider making donations to a local charity in a person’s name, or giving group gifts that can be shared. (EA)

If it’s a business relationship, then send the card to their office rather than their home. Visibility and practicality come into play as many have an area where they display holiday cards, and how convenient, you already have the address! Remember to broaden your message to include others beyond who opens it. For example, “Libby, Thinking of you, your family and the wonderful people I have the opportunity to work with at Kemin. Sending best wishes for continued health, happiness and success in 2017 – and many years to come!”  

Send cards and give gifts not out of a sense of obligation, but for the joy of connecting with friends and family. If you decide to devote the time, then make it worthwhile and fun. Enjoy designing the card and creating a heartfelt message. Have fun making gifts and ask friends or family members to participate. My favorite gifts to make include body scrub, potted bulbs, and butter toffee. (MB)

Remember that clients, partners and suppliers may come from many different backgrounds and have many different beliefs. A great way to create unity is to celebrate the end of the current year and the beginning of the next. We all have that in common. (KL)

Office gift-giving rules can vary a lot from one business culture to another. One of the favorite “gifts” a supervisor gave me once was the clear request that I not “gift up.” She said that as my leader, it was her chance to thank me for the hard work throughout the year, and she didn’t want all of the staff reporting up the organization chart to her to feel obligated to give gifts. This clear direction and freedom to not to have to decide what to buy my boss was a true gift and one I try to pass on to the team members I now have the opportunity to lead. (AW)

FINAL TIP:

Think about elegant but convenient wear and what you will need to carry. Really, all you need is your PDA, your ID, some cash, a credit card (if the event is at a public place) and some business cards.  An outfit with pockets that can hold these or a small over the shoulder bag might be just the thing. Your overcoat will be by the door so don’t count those pockets. And make sure your shoes are comfortable! (KL)

Hopefully the above list is full of thought starters. Thank you for allowing us to share them with you. We all know it is the spirit of caring that will help guide us during the holidays and throughout the year, so in return please share the gift of your own personal insights and tips with your colleagues and friends.

Thanks to the following amazing women for contributing! Key: MB = Michelle Book, DD = Diana Deibler, KL = Kerty Levy, TT = Tiffany Tauscheck, AW = Amanda Wanke, and EA = me, Emily Abbas.

Des Moines native and advocate Emily Abbas joined Bankers Trust in 2014 as the bank’s first chief of staff. About six months later, she also agreed to serve as Chief Marketing Officer. Emily currently serves our community as Chair of Drake University’s National Alumni Board, Chair of the Greater Des Moines Partnership’s Communications Board, on the Governor’s STEM Advisory Council, and on the Board of Directors at the Des Moines Community Playhouse and the Robert D. and Billie Ray Center at Drake University. Earlier this year, she was named the 2016 Meredith Emerging Woman of Influence by the Des Moines Business Record.